Just A Friend

You know what sucks worse than an old lady giving head without her dentures?

Being thrown into the "friend pile".

I know I've said this before, but after this weekend, it just reinforced my immense sadness at not having the remote possibility of being anything more than just a friend. I went out with my "friend" (we'll just call him Dill) who I have adored since forever (okay, for a little over 4 years now) to IHOP. We met up with our mutual friend (I'll discuss the fine delicacy of this mutual friendship later) and her sister there. When I got to Dill's house, I didn't even want to touch him because I didn't want him to feel my obvious attraction to him. However, he did give me a much desired and needed hug. Anyway, while on our way to to IHOP, we just talked about stuff and listened to the new Nas double CD (which is the bomb by the way). When he would say stuff like "I know you're going to like this right here." It really made me blush, because he knows me so well. When we arrived at IHOP, he sat beside me and I kept hoping that he wouldn't notice me blushing the whole time. My friend and her sister were on some other shit and I was really ready for them to get the hell on, but since he invited them to come, there wasn't much I could say.

After we left IHOP, we came back to his house and drank some beers. Okay, correction, I drank some beers and he drank some tea, because he wasn't feeling too well(poor baby!) Anyway, we watched some videos, talked, listened to some music, and eventually fell asleep. Not in each other's arms like I would've liked, but you know things happen for a reason. Anyway, at about three in the morning after I had slept off my Budweisers, I left and went home. A part of me really wanted him to ask me to stay, but alas, he didn't.

It sucks ass being a friend.

Why is it that the one person who has all of the qualities that I want in a man, not want me back? Well, I know that I probably don't possess all of the qualities that he wants in a woman, but still though..................................

Oh, back to our mutual friend. Well, I introduced them back when I was pregnant with Peanut. Big mistake. She doesn't like him, she sees him as just a friend, while he on the other hand is quite smitten with her. I don't even know why I introduced them to each other. Oh, wait a minute, now I remember; I guess since she was with me when I went to his house, I had no choice heh? Shit, this is just the one time that I wish I had've been rude!

After thinking about him non-stop today, a part of me thinks that I shouldn't talk to Dill anymore. It's just too hard for me. I know y'all are like "why don't you just tell him you like him heffa? Well, I already have. Let's just say that he told me that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend at the time, just some draws to get into and so he blew me off. Now most women would say "at least he's being honest" I'm like, read between the lines broads, what he was trying to tell me is that he's just not into me - at all. I must admit that I appreciate the creative way that he told me . It beats being told, "you are tore up from the floor up."

I would sorely miss our friendship though, but on the other hand, I really, really like him too much to keep up this charade. I know that when he gets involved with someone else again, (he was in relationship earlier this year with some 'ol crazy broad) I just don't think my heart will be able to take it anymore.

Damn, life sucks as a friend.