Nostalgia

I was talking to a friend today by email who asked when was I going to give Peanut a little brother or sister? Well, I wish it was that easy to just open up my legs and pop out a little kid, but, alas, it is not. As I have mentioned before, just as soon as things were heating up with me and Young Buck, it has cooled off, considerably. It was probably for the best, but my poor heart (and lips) say otherwise. I have all but told SDR to refrain from contacting me, being that he hardly calls or comes to see me, it's not really an issue of telling him to jump off into the shallow waters of Lake Minnetonka from a 30 ft diving platform. So, with all of this non action from any member of the opposite sex, it's going to be quite difficult to procreate.

I would love to have another child, hell, more importantly, I want to be a wife and a mother. It just gets so heartbreaking everytime I see someone who's married or in a committed relationship where the love is reciprocated. It really breaks my heart. What scares me is that I may never be able to share in the joy of sharing the rest of my life with someone. Peanut will eventually get older and get married and move out of the house and I'll be there alone with her pet cats that she can't take with her because her new husband is deathly allergic to them. I know I'm whining, but damn, I would just like for one relationship to work out for me. I mean one where I don't have change who I am to accommodate him, but one in which we both compromise, to make each other happy. I'm talking about we finish each other's sentences, I can feel totally comfortable around him and I don't have to apologize for using big words, and someone who can kiss, damn't, not any of this lip biting shit (oh Young Buck, your lips have spoiled me!)

I just want to cry, but I'm afraid to because I might not stop.

Anyway, I answered my friend's question by saying: "I would like to have another one soon, but I haven't been able to find a suitable mate :( Maybe I'll luck up and God will send me a good husband and father. Keep praying for me....."