Nice Blind Girl Seeking Nice Blind Man

My computer at work and at home have both been infected with a virus. If that isn't sucky enough, my stomach is starting to stretch again like it did in my eight month of pregnancy.

Damn food, why are you so good? You're making me fat again.

My sister told me this morning that I talk with a slight lisp. What the fuck? She said I sounded like the dude, Bill Nigut, the political reporter on channel 2 news. If somebody watches the channel 2 news in Atlanta, please let me know what the hell he sounds like to you. I never noticed that he talked with a lisp. Maybe I'm becoming to sensitive these days, but I really took offense to that. I don't talk with no damn lisp. Then to add insult to injury, she adds that my tongue is too big for my mouth. That's some mean shit to tell somebody who doesn't have anyone to give head to.

I'm just kidding, I don't do that type of stuff......anymore.

Last night after wrapping up a long night of studying anatomy and physiology (okay, it was more like twenty minutes of review), I started thinking about why I'm not even remotely close to being betrothed to someone. I'd really like to not only get married one day, but go on a really hot date with a great guy who finds me as equally great, if not greater before I get married. It's hard these days to find someone who can reciprocate the same feelings that you have for them. I look at my friends and even my own family and I wonder, "where did I go wrong?" Just about all of them are married or happily attached to someone. Why haven't I found someone who's a great person and just as great with my Peanut? The one guy that I did (do) want to have a relationship with, is more partial to his ex-girlfriend and her son and also my friend (who's not even remotely interested in him). I know in my heart that he would make a great husband and father, but he's not interested in me. He sees me as just a friend. I'm tired of being thrown into the "friend" bin. Guys are always complaining about being labeled as a friend, but hell I don't think I'll ever rise above that shit. It's a growing epidemic in my world. It's difficult for me to hear him talk about some other broad when I think to myself, "I should be that broad". *sigh*.

I don't get it. I'm not supermodel fine or even MARTA bus station skanky, I'm just me, good 'ol Diva with astigmatism and locs. Maybe it's my astigmatism that's fucking niggas up. They can't hang with a sister who's glasses are so strong, she see into his soul and see that he's bogus and packing like a boy Cabbage Patch Kid doll, (no offense to the "Tiny Time" club members).

I've tried giving my no-good baby's father chance after chance to prove himself worthy, but he hasn't risen to the occasion. My mama is constantly asking, have you heard from [insert name here]? She really wants me to marry this fool because I think she's afraid that I'll end up being by myself. I'm like this bastard owes me money mama, do you really think he's going to call me anytime soon? Despite my somewhat sour disposition towards him, at one point in my life I would've married him without another thought, because I loved him so much. It's amazing how blind one is to a loved one's constant deception. As much as I wanted to have my family, he's not worth the tears, sacrifice, or heartache that I've had to endure. It's time to move forward with my life and leave the bitterness behind that threatens the new life that's ahead of me.

I want some more bebes, but I also want someone to share my pregnancy with, unlike with Peanut. I mean, I had my family and my mama accompanied me on one of my doctor's visits, it's not the same as having your husband or significant other hold your hand as you both watch the ultrasound of the baby together or having someone rub your feet and your back and whispering how much you and the baby mean to him. Right now I could really use some male companionship.

There. I said it. Like Janet Jackson, sometimes I get lonely.

Yes, there are times when I long for a masculine voice on the other end of the phone. Yes there are times when I yearn for a kiss or maybe even a sensual touch from a man. Yes, there are times when even my vibrator can't compare to the real thing.

Oh, well.

The man's not here, so what can I do? Just keep longing and waiting, I guess.

Damn, I'm so impatient.