Somebody Stop Me..........No, Really Pt. II

Jim Carrey would be so proud of me!

Okay y'all here goes my latest dilemma....I am such a loser.

Let me explain; yesterday at work, this guy that I've been conversing with for a while finally gave me his number. I mean it was weird the way it happened and stuff. I've been whining to my sister about how I want this dude to give me his number, but I personally, have never had the guts to tell him that I wanted to call him and stuff. So, basically it's like whenever he comes to my cubicle (which pisses my boss off royally, but y'all know I don't care) I'm trying to use telepathy to communicate with him so that he will give me his number. So, yesterday after we finished talking about Tupac, he left to go answer a call on his cell phone. Defeated once again, I turned around and started looking at all the student loan debt that I've amassed since entering this bullshit called college. A few minutes later, he came back to my desk and said "Well, if you ever want to talk after work, here's my number."

YES, YES, YES! The Diva has made yet another brother bow down and give the digits!

Here comes the sick part....

After getting his number and feeling all elated for a minute, I suddenly stopped wanting his number. I suddenly started thinking about all the current crushes I have going on and realized that I would have to make room in my already cramped psyche to accommodate this latest crush. Suddenly, I started hyperventilating (okay, I'm just kidding about that part).

Then it suddenly hit me, the thrill of the chase is gone.

In my previous posts, I've talked about how I'm hopelessly in love with my best friend and lusting after another one of my friends and how I want to get married. I now know that, I have some issues.

I am a certified commitment-phobe.

Now, I know some of y'all are like "slow down, he only gave you his number" and I know that. However, the problem lies in the fact that once I get what I want from a guy, I pretty much write him off. I'm not just talking sex wise (which is usually with the same dude), but just anything, attention, food (yes, food), affection, conversation. I am quick to dismiss without a second thought. This is the part that scares me. I am so afraid that when I do meet the one person who I could see myself with for the rest of my life, I'll ditch him too once he fulfills my desires at the time in my life. I crave an emotional attachment with no strings attached.

Does that make sense?

Perhaps that's the reason why "Dill" refuses to take our friendship to the next level because detects that "flightiness" about myself. My other friend, well, he could give a damn just as long as I ogle over his poetry (which is extremely beautiful by the way) and promise to bring him some food to his job.

It's all so confusing. I need some Ben and Jerry's Half Baked to help me sort it all out.