This Can't Be

It's funny how a few weeks ago I would've never imagined wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone and now I can't imagine life without him.

Oh yeah, this is sperm donor

I guess I should stop calling him that now, eh?

Anyway, it's official, I am back in love with my baby's daddy. I haven't been this googly eyed about him since the few hours after I came home with Peanut and realized that I missed him terribly. I know my cousin is probably gripping her bedside toilet as she reads this. Sorry, cuz :(

For the past two weeks we have been conversing by yahoo messenger. As soon as I get to work, I logon and as soon as I get home I logon to talk to him (for those who are wondering why we don't talk on the phone, well let's just say he doesn't have a phone and I refuse to pay for that bitch to get turned back on).

Ah, isn't love grand?

Now while all of this lovey dovey stuff is nice and all, I still feel an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like things are going to burst. It's almost like I'm expecting something to wrong between us any day now. He knows that I have trust issues and one of the things that I keep expecting to happen is that he's going to slip up. It's like I'm waiting on him to do it. It's like I've got some money riding on him committing an indiscretion. It's sick y'all.

He tries to ease my mind now. He tells me stuff like how he was stupid back then and he wishes that he could change the way things were, but of he can't. He's working on being the man that I would want to marry and all this good stuff. This is all well and good, however, I need to put my own mind at ease. Problem is, I don't know where to begin.