Same Ol' Nothing

I have been too busy doing stuff on myspace, that my blog has been neglected for way too long.

Damn, you Tom and all the other myspace people...

Anyway, I have been spending a lot of time dreaming. Not necessarily at night either, but at any given moment. One night I had a dream that was so good, that I was literally fighting myself not to wake up until it was over. The dream was about me and some nice looking dude. It wasn't sexual either, it was sensual, loving, and safe. The three things that I've been wanting out of a man, but haven't really gotten.

I've been thinking about Young Buck and SDR lately too.

I think for some abnormal reason, that I'm meant to be with Young Buck. I dream about him all the time. I never dreamed about SDR. Is that some kind of sign? I don't know, but I did see him, Young Buck that is, last Friday evening. Still cute, but still missing that one thing that could really cement a relationship. I don't even know what it is, but I wish to God that he had it.

SDR on the other hand, I just can't feel anything for him except for sorry. It amazes me that he thinks that his way of thinking about relationships, well his relationship with me, is anything but normal. He barely called, I barely saw him, and we never went anywhere. He doesn't celebrate holidays and doesn't think that we should spend them together. For a long time, I thought that I should accept it, but then I got smart and realized that, I shouldn't accept something that I don't agree with, especially when all I've been doing since we called ourselves being in a "relationship" is compromising and bending and twisting to keep the peace. Probably the best thing that came out of our union is my Peanut and a more defined idea of what the next brother will have to bring to the table. I don't wish him any ill will, because that expends energy, what I do wish him is a mate that accepts all of his quirks because I don't. I don't feel that anyone should have to change who they are to accommodate anyone, ever. You're not being true to yourself and definitely not being true to your mate. SDR taught me that, I changed so much of my belief system to make him love me.

Although, me and Young Buck will probably never get together, I thank him for coming into my life and giving my baby a dollar for her birthday.

Okay, that was a little goldiggerish statement, but damn folks, it was just a dollar......