Ooh Wee Peanut's Three!

My little Peanut turned three yesterday!

This means that I'm getting exceptionally old :(

Anyway, we celebrated the special day at Chuck E Cheese. Or Club CEC as I like to call it. It wasn't a full fledged party just a couple of folks and gang of loud ass ghetto kids from the southside of Clayton county. I didn't see Peanut the whole time we were there except when she ran out of "money" ie tokens. We took lots of pictures and ate lots and lots cake. Hopefully as soon as I learn how upload pictures on my site, I'll show 'em to you.

Any volunteers? Remember sharing means caring! :)

In other news, I've decided against buying a house and now I'm looking for a nice apartment. After all of the heartache I've been going through with trying to find a house, I've decided that maybe it's just not my time. Right now with my current income, I can't really get what I want and call me stupid, but I refuse to settle for something just because it's a house. Hell, it's more than a house it's an investment and I'll be damned if I'm going to be plunking down some hard earned money on some shit that the real estate agent calls "cozy" but in actuality is a smalll ass shack or a "handy man special" which is code word for some shit that needs to be razed. I've peeped their lingo, they're not dealing with a broad fresh out the uterus.

Speaking of uterus, y'all give a shout out and prayers to my cuz who delivered my second cuz on July 27, 2005, the day before my Peanut was born. Now we can cosign on birthday parties together for the bebes!

Oh yeah, me and the sperm donor renamed are still together!

The Lawd is good, alla time! Aaaaaammmeeeen!

This Can't Be

It's funny how a few weeks ago I would've never imagined wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone and now I can't imagine life without him.

Oh yeah, this is sperm donor

I guess I should stop calling him that now, eh?

Anyway, it's official, I am back in love with my baby's daddy. I haven't been this googly eyed about him since the few hours after I came home with Peanut and realized that I missed him terribly. I know my cousin is probably gripping her bedside toilet as she reads this. Sorry, cuz :(

For the past two weeks we have been conversing by yahoo messenger. As soon as I get to work, I logon and as soon as I get home I logon to talk to him (for those who are wondering why we don't talk on the phone, well let's just say he doesn't have a phone and I refuse to pay for that bitch to get turned back on).

Ah, isn't love grand?

Now while all of this lovey dovey stuff is nice and all, I still feel an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like things are going to burst. It's almost like I'm expecting something to wrong between us any day now. He knows that I have trust issues and one of the things that I keep expecting to happen is that he's going to slip up. It's like I'm waiting on him to do it. It's like I've got some money riding on him committing an indiscretion. It's sick y'all.

He tries to ease my mind now. He tells me stuff like how he was stupid back then and he wishes that he could change the way things were, but of he can't. He's working on being the man that I would want to marry and all this good stuff. This is all well and good, however, I need to put my own mind at ease. Problem is, I don't know where to begin.

Be

Did I mention that I love Common's new CD? Okay I'm doing it now.

Life's a bitch and then you get heartburn.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to reconstruct a viable relationship with the man who provided the sperm that fertilized my ovum and created a split tail embryo that grew into the fetus now known as M!@#, also known in the blogsphere as my beloved Peanut. We have had discussions, crying sessions, shouting matches, and "you never understood me" whinings.

Have things truly been resolved? Nowhere near completion...........

I have trust issues with him because he has violated every moral code that the Diva has put into place. Forgiveness is one thing, but forgetting that shit is something totally different. I've tried to push the crap that he's done to me in the past to the side and focus on the future, but the past keeps creeping back into the forefront each and everytime.

No, he doesn't have herpes people.

Can people truly change? Please anybody let me know.