I'm Leaving.....On a Plane....

That's right. I have miraculously recovered from my self pity party and am on my way to the sunny Bahamas. I'm going to sit on the beach and enjoy the sun, sip a drink or two, or three, or four, wake up late, swim with the dolphins, (well stand in some water with the dolphins because I can't swim) and toss my baby up to the vanilla sky in an adoring maternal way.

Yes, I am taking my one year old with me........

I've heard all kinds of junk about me taking my baby with me. "She's too young" mostly. But I look at it like this, she is my child, noone else stepped up to the plate and said we'll watch her, you know all the folks who don't want me taking her. Anyway, I don't think of my child as a burden. SHE'S MY CHILD! I'm not going to the Bahamas to get my groove back like Stella, I'm just trying to enjoy a change in scenery and some ocean. I love the ocean and all of that tropical shit. Besides, this will be my first plane ride ever and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather have accompany me. So, I'm going to hopefully, have some nice pictures for the two people reading my blog to see when I get back. I said I wouldn't post any pictures, but what the hell, I'll let y'all see my donut rolls and shit........

Oh, sunny, sunny, B-hummy, here I come.....

Do you think the baggage inspectors will check my shoes? I don't wear socks and I'm mighty afraid they're going to get a good whiff of stanky toe.......

Second thought, I don't give a damn, let 'em eat jam........toe jam that is.

Oh Self Pity, Why Won't You Go Away?

Don't hate the bottomless pit feeling in your stomach that you get when someone tells you some news that you don't want to hear? Like for instance, a friend and I were talking this evening and I asked her if she had talked to a mutual friend of ours (as a matter of fact, I introduced her to him). So, she goes oh, well you know so-and-so has a new lady friend. No, I didn't know, as a matter of fact, I know who the woman is because he would talk about how he didn't like her like that and how when I expressed an interest in him, he pretty much went ghost afterwards. I know I have some run on sentences, but since I'm not in english class, fuck it. Anyway, my heart dropped and I must admit, my feelings were deeply hurt. For one, I was hanging with dude when he didn't have a car and I was the one dropping him off at home. I helped him organize his house, took him christmas shopping and redecorate his bathroom.

Damn, don't I qualify for wifey material?

I guess not because I'm not pretty enough. Let me start by saying this, I don't like to admit this to myself, let alone to other people, but I have the lowest self esteem. It stems from early childhood, when I was teased mercilessly because my hair was so short. I didn't have any control over that, I was only 11 and my mama was still giving me a relaxer and hot comb hairdo (go figure). Then there was situation with my adolescent problem with acne, which has made a comeback in my adult life. I've never felt pretty, well, there was that time for my junior prom. Anyway, I've never really had a boyfriend, just a couple of niggas that lost their way into my bed. When I go out with my friends, I've always been "that girl". You know that girl that gets ignored by the opposite sex. Now, most of my friends will tell you that it's pretty damn hard to ignore me because I'm loud and just silly as hell. Now before y'all go, "well that's your problem", I also have my moments where it's hard to get me to open my mouth. Let's face it, our society has a love affair with aesthetics. I used to say that it's not about looks, but hell it has to be.

Flashback to the origin of the self pity party. I really liked this guy, I made him my child's godfather and I tell you that her father who's in Virginia has seen her more than he has. Maybe I shouldn't have told him how I really felt. I think, as a matter of fact I have cause irrepairable damage to our friendship. I guess the even more fucked up part about this all is that this woman that he's now with started out as his friend. He would always tell me how fine she was and yadda, yadda, yadda......

Love sucks. Being unpretty sucks even worse. I'm going to cut cupid's balls off and hand them to him. Bastard....

Until the next time.........

And The Crappy Goes To.....

I know the Grammy's were on Sunday and today is Tuesday, but it's my blog and write when I want to.

Anyway, I couldn't let this shit go without speaking my mind on a few things that I saw on Sunday's award show that should never, ever happen again. That bullshit was ridiculous and undamnneccesary. I shall elaborate:

1. Prince and Beyonce: I don't give a damn if she was nominated in every damn category, why in the hell did the producers think that this pairing was going to be okay?
Prince finally takes a break from giving out Watchtower booklets to come perform and they have the audacity to put that ass shaking heffa on stage with him? I'm sorry, but Prince is one of a kind, a legend. He should've been the only person singing Purple Rain. By the time Beyonce joined him, it sounded more like Purple Pain. I wanted to whoop her ass with a dust cloth and slap her with a piece of Church's chicken. That heffa knows better......

2. Pharrell Williams, Sting, Vince Gill, and some other country singing muthasucka:
Was I the only person trying to figure out why they had Pharrell playing the drums. I mean yeah, his falsetto isn't all that hot, but damn they could've at least let him stand on the damn stage. Everytime the camera flashed to Pharrell, it looked as if he'd got a whiff of eau what de fuck. I mean Sting is my dog, but umm, he ain't cut out to be singing some damn Beatles. Vince Gill, well, I really don't like his ass either. Who was the other sucka up there? Damn, he must've been that bad....

3. Alicia Keys and Celine Dion:
I know Luther hopped out of his seat and started punching the t.v. I mean Alicia, you know you don't sound worth shit without your mixing boards. You shouldn't have even tried it honey. The was one of my favorite Luther ditties, but you've made me so mad, hell I'll beat your ass for Luther. Damn, heffa you need to stick to your job as the waitress in the coffee shop. Celine on the other hand, they was trying to fuck her up, they knew her shit was on point, they just don't like Canadians, especially French speaking ones.....

4. Earth Wind and Fire, Big Boi, and George Clinton
All these years I've been waiting for EWF to get back together and this what I get? I'm mad as hell. Maurice White had some new hair on top and another pair of tight ass pants, but did I get to hear him sing? NOOOOOOO! Old flaming ass Phillip Bailey with his Spongebob yellow suit hogged the show. Don't even get me started on Verdine White and his crazy ass. Big Boi and Sleepy Brown did their thing. I just wanted to know what was up with the big boy dance revue they had out there with them? Them boys looked like they were one step away from collapsing. Then of course there was George Clinton, ohigh at the tender age of 70 or so. He is the oldest weed head I know. However, I want to know whose idea it was to break out into a fucked up rendition of Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys "Get Low"? I bet Lil Jon was at home like OOOOOHHHHHH NNNNNOOOO!

Well I would like to continue my discussion on the other fucked up pairings at the Grammy's but I have to go.....

The Oscars are just around the corner...

Until the next time..............

Vibrate

Andre 3000 has helped me make my decision, I'm getting a vibrator........news at ten.

Until the next time

Sorry, Ms. Jackson......OOOOOHHHHH

What is it with Michael and Janet? They can't seem to keep their clothes on when chilluns are watching. I'm not going to beat this story into the ground any further than it already has, but I must say, Janet's Bettys are starting to sag a 'lil bit. I'm starting to think she's losing control (yes, pun was intended).

In more interesting news, I've decided to give this security thang up. No, I'm not going to apply for a 911 Operator position (although, I was really considering it), but I am going to get my teacher's certification so that I can teach in the fall. I know a lot of you (or the two people reading my blog) are wondering what brought this on? Well, I was talking with the girl that tightens up my locs and she made the suggestion. I mean I have this stupid degree, so I might as well use it for something. Now, I still have every intention of finishing up these classes so that I can go to medical school, but that's going to be another 3 or so years. I can't keep doing this security shit for that long and plus I want to buy a house and I need to show that I have sufficient income to qualify for a loan. My security job doesn't pay shit, it barely pays me enough so that I can buy toilet paper to wipe my ass when I do shit (sorry for the visuals). Anyway, I figure I can put up with teaching some little rugrats until I can get into medical school and plus since I'll have my summers off, I can still take a large majority of my pre requisite courses. This sounds like a plan. However, with all good ideas that I have, I don't think them through, as in, I don't weigh the cons as equally as I weigh the pros. Right now, I don't see any cons, but I'm sure down the road, there'll be some. I don't know, but with everything that goes on in my life, it's always something, always.

My baby's daddy is supposed to be coming to town this weekend. Am I excited? Not really. I could give a hot damn. Well, okay let me stop lying, I care a little bit. My Peanut may give a damn, but then again she has my attitude, I don't think she will care either, unless he has some food. Anyway, he has found a way to make his visit into a big, spectacular event. I mean, I'm glad to know that he's alive, because that means that I may possibly be able to get some child support out of his ass, but other than that, I'm tired of wanting us to be this big happy family. Since I know that shit isn't going to happen, I'm not even going to entertain any lies that's going to spew from his la bouche.

In closing, I just have this one comment, now that I know what Kelis is really singing about on Milkshake (naw, I didn't know, I'm dumb like that), I don't think I can drink milkshakes anymore without gagging, which is what happens to some anyway if they take a big gulp.

Until the next time................................