Let me talk, Let me say something......

I had something that I was going to write about, but it was just too depressing, so I have abandoned the idea..........

Blah, Blah, Blah........

I am now, officially, a pre-med major until I take the organic chemistry course and possibly change my mind. Anyway, I went to orientation yesterday and I tell you the whole time I was walking up to the auditorium, I kept thinking...."I have no business here. I already have a degree that I'm not doing anything with, why in the hell should I get another one?" Boy, I tell you the devil was speaking to me. If he had've talked just a little bit louder, I would've jumped off the curb and ended it all. So, I'm sitting in the auditorium listening to useless pieces of junk that doesn't do much for me and a group of white girls are like talking through the whole damn program. I wanted to turn around and just slap the hell out of them and then tell them to say something so I could slap their asses again. Anyway, I so after the boring program was over, we had to go for advisement. It didn't do me any good, my advisor didn't know s@#%. I was telling him what I needed to take. What an asshole. He was like "why are going for another degree to get into medical school? They don't care what you're undergrad was in" First of all I was like, dude, I didn't ask you for your opinion and I don't have any money to come out of my pocket for post-baccalaureate study unless your rich white ass wants to donate some of your Professor salary to me. Moving on, my student ID looks like hell and my feet are feeling pretty rotten these days. How will I make it? I don't know, but I'm not in a sharing mood today so I'm going to go now. Until the next time..........

Open Wide and Take a Bite of Humble Pie............

Hello, there everybody! I have great news I finally have a job! Now, before I tell you about this job let me tell you how I wound up with it. At about 10:00 this morning, I got a call from Georgia State University, the place where I'd just had my successful second interview the week before. I thought dude was calling me to tell me that I had the job.........not. He told me that due to some budget cuts and blah, blah, blah. In short, he told me I didn't get the job and he'll be in contact or I could reapply at a later date and blah, blah, blah. After I hung up the phone. I admit it, the Diva was crushed, but not really ready to break down and boohoo like a bia bia. Well, I knew it was God's divine plan working and there was nothing that I could do but just sit back and just do his will. Anyway, I called my friend and told her the bad news. Well, as fate would have it, her company was looking for someone. Now, I'm not too crazy about my friend's line of work, but I kinda get orgasmic when I think about controlling people. Oooh, my thighs are quivering now just thinking about it. Oops, sorry false alarm, my thighs are still moving from when I sat down in my chair. Well, moving on, she makes a couple of phone calls and wham bam, I got an interview ma'am. So, I met these two dudes and impressed the hell out of them and in two hours after the initial interview, I got the job. Wow, it's amazing how I went from interviewing and not getting a damn thing to having one interview and getting a job. The hours are what I need because now I can go to school full time to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse, doctor, radiologist, or what the hell ever and I don't have to worry about those pesky daycare costs because my sister is going to keep my little Peanut for the lo lo.

Now, I know you all have been wondering about the downside to all of this, well, here it goes....

1. I'm taking an $8,000 paycut
2. The hours are from 4pm-12 midnight
3. I have to wear an uniform
4. I'm a *sobbing uncontrollably while laughing hysterically*a fucking security officer.

Needless to say, I'm a little embarrassed. The whole time I was interviewing with the dudes they kept telling me they were skeptical about hiring me because I was overqualified. Well, that was a first. Every job I've been interviewing for has told me otherwise (notation, the people who were telling me I wasn't qualified were white. Still don't think we need Affirmative Action?) So, I had to reassure them that nobody's interested in a Black female with Bachelor's of Business Administration degree with an incredible professional background (damn, arrogance is a dangerous thing). Anyway the moral of this story is, to humble yourself is a task, it takes a lot persuasion on your ego's part to make you realize that you're not the shitake. In closing, I have this to say.......freeze muthasucka! I'm an officer of the muthasucking law! (Well, not quite. Just only in the building that I'm patrolling). Until the next time..........

What the Hell?

As I was driving home this afternoon from church I was thinking to myself that if Hell is as hot as it has been for the past couple of days, I'm going to straighten up. It doesn't take a brain scientist to know that fat people won't fair too well in Hell. Oh, the puddles of sweat, not to mention the rubbing of the thighs will cause more heat. :( I tell you it was so hot outside today that I swore I saw the devil on the side of the street crying. Punk azz devil man...........

Today I would like to discuss something near and dear to my heart, well, not really, but it's something that I've contemplating for a while, why do I do stupid stuff like....

Believe anything that my sperm donor tells me?

It's been nearly two years, and the lies keep coming. I keep hoping that one day he will actually do what he constantly tells me that he's going to do. So far he's batting 0. He sucks.......

Keep Hoping that a certain gentleman will want me

It's been almost three years and he still doesn't want me :(. He prefers tall, model-like broads who don't have much going for themselves. Anyway, I've been in love with him since that day we were eating at Chick Fil-A and he was sitting in the opposite booth sick with allergies. I took one look at him and knew that he was the one. He's the first dude that I've ever talked to that understand big words and is just an all around great guy. He was involved with someone at the time which is the reason I started talking to my sperm donor. I truly love him and I tried to tell this past year and it was met with disastrous results. So, why do I still want him? Because I don't know how else to want him :( To complicate matters even more, he's my baby's Godfather.................

Thinking that I can fit a size 12?

I thought I'd gained a few pounds after I had my baby, but I gained a whole two sizes. I went from a size twelve to a size sixteen. Chocolate sucks.......well, not really I suck because I didn't know when to say when. Which is the reason why I'm on this stupid Weight Watchers diet. It doesn't work. Stupid Weight Watchers diet......

Feeling that I can rehabilitate incorrigible muthasuckers

I have a friend, well I used to have a friend who did nothing but complain and rant about stupid stuff. He has severe issues and after a conversation I had with him about two weeks ago, I decided that he was flucking up my aura and needed to be released from my all ready narrowing circle of friends. I have enough problems of my own, if I call a friend it's to forget about my problems and have some fun. In my own psychologist mentality, I kept trying to help him realize the error of his ways and emphasize his positive traits, but to no avail. It's hopeless, he's an asshole. Besides he thinks I'm lame anyway. However, it's him that's lame and stupid and dumb and misogynistic and ..........

Okay, I'm going to go now, Until the next time.......

In keeping with my conspiracy theory attitude..........

UK Police Say WMD Scientist Died of Slit Wrist

But conspiracy theorists know that someone else slit his wrist for him after poisoning him with a glass of Cisco..........

Kobe Bryant is Charged With Rape

The only thing that this brotha is sorry about is that he got caught getting some from an American Idol reject who was a popular cheerleader at her high school. I told y'all she was white because Colored folks don't live anywhere where there isn't public transportation. Anyway, the conspiracy theorists are all in agreement that the only thing big on Kobe is his height and old girl found that out the hard way (no pun intended.... well yes it is), so she decided to blast him the old fashion white girl way "Rape!Rape!........."

Saddam is Alive.......

Conspiracy theorists believe that Saddam is alive and living in Harlem with Bill Clinton and have plans to release a new line of clothing for the Hip Hop generation called Bush. Well, as history would have it both have problems with Bushes, Bush wants to kill Saddam and Clinton, well, he got caught sticking his cigar in one......

Damn, this stuff is addictive.....must stop typing......until the next time......

A-Ha I figured out how to do it

To some who read this I'm not talking about giving head, but giving my posts a title. I still don't know how to hyperlink folks name yet, but give me a week and I'll learn. Anyway, today was a good day. I paid thirteen dollars to go to a redneck beach in Austell and not swim. It was hot as hell, but guess what the hell I had on....some blue black jeans and a tight ass Old Navy shirt that gracefully hugged my increasing waistline. Boy, I had all the sperm whales out there horny (heh, heh). Anyway, me and my baby melted in that hot ass sun and all we got was a stale cupcake and some flat Sprite with mosquito laden ice. Damn, when I have my baby's party next Saturday (at an undisclosed location for all you R. Kelly's) nobody's going to have to worry about having mosquitoes in their ice, because I ain't serving beverages. Hah! And for those who haven't got it yet, I was being sarcastic about having fun today........

For all of my Kobe Bryant fans let us rally around him and put together a care package for him. It will consist of Preparation H, toothpicks, weed, some braid sheen spray for his cornrows, a poster of Beyonce (sans the weave), and a Mokenstef cd ( the group who performed such hits as "He's Mine"). That's what he gets for taking his show on the road, if you know what I mean.

Let's hear it for all of my sistas who are doing it up with men who aren't worth !@#$. I spoke with my sperm donor today via yahoo messenger and all I have to say is: "I want to know that I love you and blah, blah, and you want to be with me, blah, blah. Now in between all of this blah, blah, he manages to pull on my heartstrings. However, my heart belongs to someone else (because of confidentiality issues, I will not mention her name). Just to confuse some of you, I will not revisit that statement anymore. See, it's working already.

And in other news, 50 Cent is looking finer and finer these days, if being shot those many times makes a brotha that fine, then let me pull out my .357 and go shoot up all of Atlanta. For the men in Midtown, I'd just shoot to kill.......

Well, that's all for now, until the next time........

Well, well, what do you know? I'm beginning to become a regular poster. Anyway I was browsing at the other people's blogs and all I can say is damn, I wished I had paid more attention in computer information science class. On the flip side, some of these people have too much damn time on their hands (myself included).

Well, tonight I want to talk about a few thing that have been bothering me for a minute. What in the hell is wrong with Ashanti's mouth? It looks like she's had a stroke or something. Next time you see her video, you know for the song that consists of two words, Aww, Baby (aww isn't even a word), just take a little look. Now some of you reading this may think I'm hating, but I'm not. I don't have a problem with Ashanti, I just don't like her and no, I don't wish I look like her either, because at the end of the day, I don't have to worry about removing my hair so that I can get comfortable and I don't sound like rat whistling when I sing.

Another subject that's been bothering me is this Dora the Explorer chick. Where is her mama? I mean this little girl is every bit of five years old and she's walking around the world with a backpack and a monkey named Boots. I believe Boots is a child molester and Dora's mama is a crack head, because that's the only way a mama would let her child out of the house and roam all over the place.

What's with people drinking Pepsi? Pepsi is nasty as hell and not to mention they dropped Ludacris from their ads (I for one am not terribly upset by that move) and replaced him with that Beyonce broad (I heard that the horses across the country have filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit against her for misrepresentation). Doesn't anybody drink Coke anymore? I love Coke. It got me through my nine months of morning sickness. I owe that company me and my baby's life. Plus, for all my colored folk reading, Coke funnels more money into HBCU's than Pepsi. I know some of you all are saying, but Coke just settled a million dollar lawsuit regarding racial discrimination. This may hurt some of you all's feelings, but some of those folks who were screaming discrimination, were just mad because the top level executives told them that they couldn't mix Hennessey with the complementary Coke they were being given at work anymore.

My final issue is with the President. We know you forged your way through college, so it's not so unbelievable that you forged the documents to start a war with Iraq. The reason why we know you did it is because you spelled Iraq, I-R-A-C-K in the documents you submitted to Congress.

Okay, I'm done. I'm still waiting to hear from my sperm donor and I have exceeded the points I was supposed to eat today for my Weight Watchers diet. Until the next time..........

Damn, I just deleted my first post, now I have to start all over again. I think in the first post I was quoting a verse from Aaliyah's song, "Try Again", it was Timbaland's part "It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you...Without a dope beat to step to...." Poor Timbaland, the only business he's getting is from artists who can't get Pharrell. Anyway, I was just saying that I should keep a regular post and everythang. I'm sorry for all the ghetto folk out there who were expecting my posts to be ebonically laden, but I'm an intelligent broad with $20,000 of student loan to prove it. So, I don't I feel like writing like I'm still in a Clayton County School third grade class (only the people who live in the metropolitan Atlanta area will understand the joke). Anyway, I'm still Black, still unemployed, and still trying to figure how I got in these jeans (you're not the only person trying to figure that out Mr. 50 Cent). Well, today I started my Weight Watchers diet. You know the one with the points. Well, I was doing good until a few minutes ago when I ate a big ass piece of baked chicken and two helpings of Butter and Garlic pasta and Carrots. Well, I figure it's healthy so I can eat more of it......
On to other news, well my well-meaning sperm donor is no longer employed. I finally tracked him down at his job only to find out that he doesn't work there anymore. So, I called his grandmother's house and of course he's not there either. Now, I'm like where is this son of a bitch? Well, if he should happen to stumble across my anger management therapy page (my blogger) he'll get the message that I'm trying to get across to him: PAY ME SOME CHILD SUPPORT OR BECOME SOMEBODY'S BIZNITCH IN JAIL. And for those people who are going to say "I thought you said you wasn't going to use Ebonics?", first of all, it's not Ebonics, it's Jive Pig Latin which is used by the most educated and prominent Blacks in the country. So f#@$ off! Well, I don't have much else to say except, I want to know who really paid good money for either Beyonce's or Ashanti's cd?

So it's almost 6:00 in the morning and I just couldn't take it anymore. Even though this bastard has lied to me before, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt yet again and see if he was okay and wasn't eaten by a gang of Chick Fil-A bandits. So anyway, I get on the internet just see some things and lo and behold guess who's on the yahoo messenger? The father of the year! Sometimes I don't understand myself when it comes to this eight piece chicken nugget bastard. Here it is, he owes me every apology under the sun, yet he finds every excuse to dodge my questions and then I wind up feeling sorry that I even went off on his ass. But here's the kicker he has the nerve to ask, am I dating someone else? First of all, you don't call, or write, or send any emails to me. You pretend to know how to spell OUR daughter's name, yet in still she's still the called THE BABY and she'll be a year old in two and a half weeks. Yeah, I'm dating some man who's taking care of your child, is what I really want to say, but he's not even worth the lie you know? Baby daddies suck, not to mention you suck as well because you don't know what in the hell you were thinking about when you were copulating with the mothersucker. Well, I take that back, I was thinking about getting IHOP the next morning........

Anyhoo, I been pretty insomniatic (is that even a word?) lately. I'm thinking this time it may have something to do with smoking that Black and Mild yesterday (boy, I know the feds were probably hoping I would say something like crack or mari-ju-uana) but anyway, I didn't even get a buzz just some funky breath that will have my baby wincing everytime I say "Hey Fat Mama". I would post a picture of my little beautiful baby girl on here, but I know that the R. Kelly's of the world would be on my site like Beyonce on TV (all the damn time). Besides, I don't take child exploitation lightly, if someone even says my baby's name sexy, he or she, (because perv's do gender bend) are going to catch a hot one and ain't talking about a hot dog either. Okay, I'm going to go now, until the next time.......

Hmm, okay. I don't quite know how this is going to turn out, but here goes...It's a Tuesday night and I've put my little "Peanut" to sleep. Right now I'm a little upset and pissed because my "sperm donor" was supposed to be coming by to see me and my little "Peanut". It's almost 11:00 pm and no sign of him. Being that he's famous for no-shows, I should be used to this by now, but for some reason I derive a sick pleasure from anticipating a visitor who never shows. I told myself months ago that I didn't care if his balls fell off, but I guess the events of tonight prove otherwise....
Besides that little tidbit, my life is quite interesting. Not in a glamourous sort of way, but in a sad and confusing way. In a few weeks I'll be starting college again for yet another degree. I regret the first one because I won't even get a chance to use it, but also because in retrospect I didn't even do that fantastic of a job earning it. Anyway, I'm going back as a pre-med major. I've always wanted to work in a hospital. I like the smell of antiseptic and the faded green scrubs that the doctors and nurses have to wear. I want to be a doctor, nurse, radiation therapist, physical therapist.......the list goes on and on. All I know is that I want to work in a hospital. I know some people are going to read this and go, what the hell? But hey, I tried to warn you. I'm on some other shit that I don't even know about. Well, since I'm new to this, I'm not going to go on about some junk that isn't worth speaking about. I'm going to end this now. Until the next time........