This Is The Reason Why I Can't Work As A 911 Operator............

I was telling a friend of mine who does security work, like myself, of a job opening for a communications officer I (ie a 911 operator). I figure, we both have the background and well it does pay a hell of a lot more than we're making now. The convo went something like this.....

(I'm IRTIHO1BTSWTW)

I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
I'd probably get a call from somebody that I knew
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
cause it's an emergency
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
Keisha? is that you girl?
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
This reza?
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
what's going on?
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
girl my babydaddy done off and hit me
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
you better punch his bitch ass back
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
come git his ass
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
he got a gun
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
better yet hold on I'mma call my boys to come whoop his ass
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
hold on
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
he say he gonna kill me
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
his bitch ass ain't gone do nothing, put his ass on the phone
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
tyrone, tyrone...come to the phone
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
tyrone fuck u bitch)
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
oh I got yo bitch, bitch
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
my boys ain't neva skerred they coming to fuck you up
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
Girl, he comin in herre wit the bat
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
run girl, run!
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
keep yo cell phone on though
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
girl i ain't got on no shoes and my toe nails is wet
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
i can't be running
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
oh, then in that case, go hide in the closet
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
ok
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
stop tyrone stop
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
I got somebody comin real soon and they gone fuck him up
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
da police is on day way
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
(gun shot)
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
keisha? keisha?
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
oh girl i'm herre
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
oh Lawd, he done shot Keisha
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
what was da gunshot?
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
he ain't crazy, he shot my boyfriend
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
oh, shit, check the wallets
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
girl he ain't dead
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
he just injured
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
send the ambalams
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
i always knewed he wuz crazy but damn
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
damn, tyrone he kinda sexy shooting folks and stuff
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
he is
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
i think we gonna fuck after the paramedics get herre
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
well gone and get some
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
ok girl, call me sometime
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
aight then, peace
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
my number is in ya'll database
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
aight, well my phone disconnected ret nah
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
I'm trying to get on with smoke signal and stuff
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
girl i'll just call you at work
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
911 right?
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
umm, hold on let me get my extension
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
it's 11
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
you ain't gonna answer da phone
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
?
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
I have to
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
ok
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
that's my job and stuff
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
bye girl with yo crazy ass baby daddy
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
girl, man-man bleeding everywhere
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
damn, I hope not on yo ralph lauren sheets?
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
i'm glad ty didn't shoot me
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
shit I'm glad too
I can't wait until I hit the lottery or find a sugar daddy says:
naw, man-man wuz in the bathroom
I Regret That I Have Only 1 Body To Share With The World says:
girl, that woulda meant I wasn't doing my job

On that note, I think I'm going to apply after all...............

Kanye Who?????

Who in the hell is Kanye West? First of all, I thought his name was pronounced "can-eye", but my brother quickly corrected me by stating that his pronounced as "con-yay". Whatever. All I know is this nigga is getting all the attention, all the airplay, all the chicken.....etc. I wouldn't know him from Adam, mainly because I refrain from listening to these bogus ass radio stations here in Atlanta that plays the same shit every thirty minutes and I don't have cable ( before everybody boos and hisses I want you to remember that I'm a security guard and with that being said, I'm moving on). I heard his songs "Through the Wire" and "What's It Gonna Be" and I must say THEY AIGHT, but it ain't nothing for me to go spend a portion of my school balance check on it. I have seen a picture of him in a stolen Vibe issue and I must say, HE AIGHT, but he ain't got nothing on XTC (more on that later). So to all you Kanye West fans, I must say he .....I'm just playing I ain't gone say it.........

Speaking of school balance money, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Balance check time is to broke college students what the first of the month is to welfare, excuse me, TANF recipients. I have been limping along for the past couple of weeks, just barely getting by. I am looking forward to getting some money and paying some b-i-l-l-s. I had to spell it out, because it hurts to even say the word. I just want to thank Mr. Pell Grant himself. You the man dawg, you the man....

In other news.....

Since everybody is else is doing it, I might as well do it too.......

100 Things Nobody Else Gives A Damn About, But Me......(AKA A Bunch of Useless Information That Cannot Be Used Against Me In A Court of Law)

1. I love cows
2. I like to eat Chinese food, but it makes me sick
3. I've stolen two pregnancy tests (okay, that can be used against me)
4. My name is Iranian
5. I have a Mayfield ice cream Moose Tracks addiction
6. I think Nick Laschey should dump Jessica Simpson and get with the Chocolate Sizzler (me)
7. I absolutely love my 1998 Green Mercury Tracer
8. I lied, labor pains do hurt
9. Having an episiotomy hurts worse
10. I love playing with my daughter
11. I will seek vengeance against anyone who so as much touches a hair on her
12. I love nature
13. I'm in love with the Fancy Gap on the border of Virginia and West Virginia
14. I want to move to Charlotte, North Carolina
15. I believe sex is overrated
16. I believe sex with a man with big hands and feet is overrated
17. Oral sex is severely overrated
18. Any man who wants to prove me wrong about #15, #16 and #17 needs to hit me up at divadivyne2000@yahoo.com
19. I'm addicted to shopping at Old Navy
20. I like hospitals
21. I'm going to school to become doctor after getting a degree in Marketing
22. I hate Beyonce
23. I love Jill Scott
24. I want to fight Brandy
25. I'll enlist the help of Countess Vaughn and we'll tag her ass
26. I'm afraid of snakes
27. I want to visit India
28. Going to Pier 1 temporarily satisfies my desire to visit India
29. I have a tattoo that everyone says looks like a bruise
30. I want to pierce my tongue
31. I have a lot shoes
32. I look at men's shoes to see how they keep themselves up.
33. I'm jealous of all of my friends because they're pretty
34. I haven't switched the gas in my apartment into my name since I moved there November 1st.
35. I have bad credit
36. I don't like to cry
37. I hate corporate America
38. I'm still in love with my first love
39. I hope he's reading this blog and calls me
40. I want to have more babies
41. Being pregnant is fun, once you stop being sick
42. I want to learn how to perform oral sex on a man
43. I don't want to swallow his come either
44. I've never had a boyfriend
45. I've had several crushes though
46. In middle school people used to tease me because I had really short hair
47. I almost stabbed my brother (on purpose)
48. I threw an iron at my sister when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant (she ducked and I missed thankfully)
49. I'm growing my hair out in locs
50. I have evil thoughts
51. I'm a bitch 265 days of the year
52. I used to want to do stand up comedy (is this thang on? no? well....)
53. I believe that most people lie
54. 25% of the time, I do lie
55. 100% of the things on this list so far is true
56. I'm a closet smoker
57. I've never been to Disney World
58. I've never smoked weed
59. I drink too much
60. I've never been drunk
61. I'm pretty smart
62. I'm afraid of dying
63. I'm terrible friend
64. I think I'll make a wonderful wife
65. I am the greatest mom to my Peanut
66. I love eating at Arby's
67. I hate Blimpie (I'll explain later)
68. I want to learn how to dance like a skripper
69. I get lonely (just like Janet)
70. Guys see me as "one of the guys"
71. I would like to be more flirtatious
72. I'm 26 and still a tomboy
73. Margaritas are the best drinks on earth
74. Stevie Wonder is the man
75. I love watching soap operas
76. ER is my favorite show in the world
77. I'm depressed a lot
78. I hate on people a lot
79. I wish more people would realize that Bush is a crook and do something about it
80. I'm extremely political
81. I hate Atlanta
82. I love hearing my baby say "Mama"
83. I disagree with interracial dating
84. I have excess baggage
85. I believe that people are born gay
86. I like to write poetry
87. I have a lot speeding tickets
88. I want big breasts
89. I had them for a few days after I had my baby
90. Breastfeeding hurts
91. I've cried over lost loves
92. Being single is the best thing for me
93. I don't believe in casual sex
94. I lost my virginity at 18
95. I've only had three sexual partners in my life
96. The third one is my baby's father
97. I ran away from home when I was four years old
98. Being in love sucks
99. Being in love with a male friend sucks worse
100. I love life

I'm Going To Practice Dying Now.......

Yes, I really am. I read this article in the Atlanta Journal and Constitution about this dude who wrote a book about dealing with death through practice. Now before all you what the wtf'ers out there get started, I think it's a pretty good idea. Most of us think about death, but how many of us really think about death? My friend once made the comment that having children makes you come face to face with your mortality. I couldn't agree more. Ever since I had Peanut, I find myself thanking God for allowing me to spend one more day here with her. Thankful for being able to see her make another milestone, whether it be taking her first bite to eat without my help or saying "ma'am" ( I swear I heard her say it the other night even though she's only 18 months). Anyway, getting back to my death practice, the article actually outlined a method for preparing for your death in a year's time. I'm for real y'all. You pick a day a year from now that you plan to die and you spend the next twelve months preparing through various spiritual and physical means. I mean, I'm not trying to be funny or anything, but what if you die in the middle of your practicing? Is it safe to assume that you've learned so well, that you didn't need to practice anymore? Damn, that would really suck like a prostitute with no teeth. However, me and my brother both summed up life like this: it doesn't matter if you're nice to people because you're still going to die, so why bother being nice? Good question grasshopper, I have decided that being a bitch is much easier than grinning and bearing it. I think I want to "die" on February 14, 2005, since I'll be dying of a broken heart anyway......

In other news......
XTC is officially out. That muthasucka can kiss my ass....Details later on the reason why.

My sister now has a blog. I would like to share the link with you, but the heffa doesn't even remember it. Oh, by the way she's the oldest too.

I'm paying off my car. That shit is six years old. It should've been paid off months ago. Ask me if I'm going to buy another car and I'll stab you with the bill of sale from my Mecury.

Doctors suck. Or at least according to this book I'm reading. I think the author's are biased. It seems to me that they are in favor of managed health care. Everybody knows that HMO's, PPO's EPO's and all that other shit sucks. It's not the doctors fault that they can't treat their patients the way they need to or see fit. It's this bureaucratic system of a capitalist society that keeps fornicating under the consent of king people over. Sons of bitches. I'm still going to be a doctor anyway....and a damn good one too.

I've decided to buy a house. Apartment living just sucks major ass to me and I can't take it anymore. I'm going to start selling Avon to give me some supplementary income. If you need some toiletries, makeup, smell goods, I'm your broad. Hit me up at divadivyne2000@yahoo.com. Shameless? Hell, naw! This is bidness nigga.

That's all for right now. Until the next time......

Happy Stankin New Year

If you haven't already gathered from the title, I've been listening to Andre 3000's cd over and over again. I wanna stank you.....okay, let me stop. Happy #$%^&*# New Year. It's been awhile since the last time I entered some of my thoughts, but I had a lot of stuff to contend with. However, my winter break from school is up and I'll be back to the daily grind and this will probably be my last entry for a while anyway.

Updates since the last entry.............
1. I finally got XTC to notice me....
It was on Halloween night and he was about 25% drunk, but he gave me a kiss. Following events: He speaks to me on a regular basis and hints at what it would be like to date me. He lets me play in his locs and he plays in mine. It is just so cute and stuff. Downside: I don't think he's totally interested in me like I want him to be. We were supposed to go skating Saturday night, but I think we had a communication break down (his cell phone is temporarily out of service).
2. I've decided to pursue a second degree in Biology instead of post-bacc work.......
Yeah, I decided that it would be in my best interest to be a little more biologically inclined, if you know what I mean. This semester threw me for a loop. I seriously underestimated my chemistry class. I didn't flunk it, but let's say the ad coms at the medical schools that I'll be applying to won't look too favorably at the grade that I earned. Besides, I may want to pursue a master's in molecular biology since I'm interested in cancer research.
3. I moved, but I think it may have been for the worse....
First off let me start by saying, for most black single women, it would be a dream to move into an apartment building full of handsome, single black men. Well, let's just say my dream ain't coming true anytime soon. With the exception of a married couple with a one year old (who's twice the size of my little Peanut), my building is full of single, but extremely unattractive and obnoxious black men. My neighbor downstairs has all the qualities that most black women desire these days; tall, dark-skinned, bald. Now that sounds like a good combination except he's UGLY and old at that. He's always sitting outside on his patio talking much shit to whoever's listening to his aggravating ass. Everytime I make a move, it's "where you going?" or "I thought I was the only person who was a night owl. Heh, heh" The nigga clearly has issues. Then the other niggas that live in my building are just plain ugly. Oh, yeah the apartment is nice. I finally got a fireplace, but no money to buy wood to burn in the damn thing.
4. My job still sucks, so I'm quitting at the end of this month.....
No need to elaborate on that. Just pray that these jobs come through for me.

I must go now, my baby's running a temperature. I just hope it isn't the flu. Until the next time.........