A Four Page Letter

Okay, of course I'm not writing a four page letter, but hell it sounded good as a title. I am writing a letter to all of the negros that I let into my life. I felt that I needed to do this as I prepare to embark on a new journey in my life. Umm, I'm not quite sure what this journey is, but I know that it's going to be a definite shift from the current state.....

Dear Miscellaneous Negro,

You have left me holding the bag for the last time. I will no longer accept anything less than what I am willing to stand. For so long I allowed you to walk in and out of my life at your leisure, but no more. I deserve more than what you could possibly ever give. No longer will I be satisfied with just "being" with you. Nigga, you work, you better take me somewhere. I'm not saying it's all on you, I'll do my part as well only if you do yours. I am not some broad that is easily entertained, WORK damn't! I don't want Blockbuster nights every damn night, take me to the movies or to a lounge, something, anything! Buy me a hot wing from a hot wing stand and bring it home to me. Get to know the sound of my voice and stop guessing who the f@#$ it is when I call. Also, occasionally pick up the phone just to hear me breathe, damn!

I am so tired of your excuses, your lack of committment, you lack of judgement. God please send me a good man when you deem it necessary. For right now, I'm content with being single, not alone, but single. As for the asswipes that have come into my life, I thank you for doing so, because now you have given me an idea of the man that I want to be with and I'll be more than prepared to welcome him into my life with no reservations or past hurts from dealing with you assholes.

Sincerely,

A Changed Diva

Same Ol' Nothing

I have been too busy doing stuff on myspace, that my blog has been neglected for way too long.

Damn, you Tom and all the other myspace people...

Anyway, I have been spending a lot of time dreaming. Not necessarily at night either, but at any given moment. One night I had a dream that was so good, that I was literally fighting myself not to wake up until it was over. The dream was about me and some nice looking dude. It wasn't sexual either, it was sensual, loving, and safe. The three things that I've been wanting out of a man, but haven't really gotten.

I've been thinking about Young Buck and SDR lately too.

I think for some abnormal reason, that I'm meant to be with Young Buck. I dream about him all the time. I never dreamed about SDR. Is that some kind of sign? I don't know, but I did see him, Young Buck that is, last Friday evening. Still cute, but still missing that one thing that could really cement a relationship. I don't even know what it is, but I wish to God that he had it.

SDR on the other hand, I just can't feel anything for him except for sorry. It amazes me that he thinks that his way of thinking about relationships, well his relationship with me, is anything but normal. He barely called, I barely saw him, and we never went anywhere. He doesn't celebrate holidays and doesn't think that we should spend them together. For a long time, I thought that I should accept it, but then I got smart and realized that, I shouldn't accept something that I don't agree with, especially when all I've been doing since we called ourselves being in a "relationship" is compromising and bending and twisting to keep the peace. Probably the best thing that came out of our union is my Peanut and a more defined idea of what the next brother will have to bring to the table. I don't wish him any ill will, because that expends energy, what I do wish him is a mate that accepts all of his quirks because I don't. I don't feel that anyone should have to change who they are to accommodate anyone, ever. You're not being true to yourself and definitely not being true to your mate. SDR taught me that, I changed so much of my belief system to make him love me.

Although, me and Young Buck will probably never get together, I thank him for coming into my life and giving my baby a dollar for her birthday.

Okay, that was a little goldiggerish statement, but damn folks, it was just a dollar......

Hallelujah

I received some news today from a very close friend of mine, that has truly made my day. Although, she has ended a relationship with someone who was very near and dear to her heart, it is for the best. For the past couple of months, I have watched this beautiful and vibrant young lady get bogged down in a relationship that was extremely unhealthy for her. For months I tormented myself for not stepping in and saying "What the hell are you doing? Leave that crazy bitch alone!" sooner. But I figured that since she was a grown woman, she could handle it. Fortunately, she did. I breathed a sigh of relief after talking with her this morning and realizing that it is over. I know it's probably to soon to discuss this with her, but we really need to start thinking of some tattoos that will cover up her ex-lover's name.......

Any suggestions?